Maybe it’s because I’ve started reading books that make me evaluate my character and priorities…or maybe it’s because of what I learned from doing 30 days of yoga—all I know is I’ve become a heck of a lot more mindful over the past year or two.
One of the qualities I’ve started thinking about more lately is the habit of complaining. I wouldn’t say I’m a serial whiner, but I HAVE started to notice that I frequently throw bits of negativity into conversations, which doesn’t add anything productive. It’s a habit I’m actively trying to break.
Something you may not know about me: I went to a somewhat strict Christian school until I reached high school. Once I got to the public high school, I was extremely nervous because I was out of my protective bubble where people were expected to (and did) act a certain way. I remember sitting at the lunch table with my new friends and just thinking how crazy it was that people would just complain all the time. (Granted, it was also high school, when everyone tends to be sassy and hormonal.) While I liked the group, I couldn’t help but notice how certain people would just drag. the mood. down. They never had anything good to say about anything, and I couldn’t believe how negative they could be at all times.
Over the next couple years (as I started to “fit in” a tiny bit better), I realized why everyone complained all the time…it’s a way of making conversation. If you think about it, we can all relate by the minor inconveniences in our day. Cold AF in the office? Hunger making you cranky? To-do list getting out of control? Chances are…the people around you are experiencing similar issues. By talking about them, people have an easy way to bond.
Although I’m all for the occasional venting session, there’s a certain point when it turns into straight-up complaining. And when it happens frequently, it becomes a problem. I know at least for me, if I hang out with people who tend to always be negative, I feel emotionally exhausted from trying to console them all the time…or just frustrated that everything has to be such a downer.
At a certain point, there’s a need to accept the situation and figure out how to improve it. If you need to vent about it, do it. But then you’ve got to do something about it, because life is too short to dwell on the same problems day after day. Always playing the role of the victim will just keep dragging you down.
So now I want to ask you: Think about how you talk to your friends, family, and/or coworkers—do you have a habit of complaining all the time?
Complaining a lot, or being around those who do, gets old after awhile. If you want to overcome the habit that seems innocent but actually creates a vicious cycle of negativity in your life, I have a short-but-sweet list for you.
1. Change how you see the situation.
Instead of focusing on the bad parts, recognize all the good that’s there. Chances are it’s better than you think, but you’ve been blinded by the frustrations.
2. Let it go.
This is one of my biggest mottos in life. I try so hard to simply let. things. go. So much of the B.S. in our daily lives is just not worth the stress and doesn’t matter in the big picture. Choose what to focus your energy on.
3. Don’t be so judgy.
We tend to have high standards for others, and when they don’t reach those, we get frustrated. Give them the benefit of the doubt and don’t assume you know everything about their situation. In a world where you can be anything, be kind.
4. Take responsibility.
The issue with complaining is you’re always playing the victim. Don’t blame everyone else for things that might actually be on you. Take responsibility for what you have a part in because that’s what you can control.
5. Allow yourself to vent occasionally.
Venting can be necessary to maintain our sanity. If you don’t release what’s consuming your mind, it might work its way into every part of your day. Vent as needed, whether to a friend, journal, or some other outlet—then try to move on.
6. Do something about it.
Once you’ve accepted the problem, you’re then able to fix it. Sometimes this might actually be tackling the issue and resolving it; other times it might mean leaving the situation altogether. Do watcha gotta do!
The next time you find yourself inserting negativity into everyday conversations, decide whether you want to complain or be happy. It might not always seem like it, but we really can turn a crap-tastic situation into something positive.
Good luck as you strive to live your best (and happiest) life!
