Reflecting on My Many Food Fails

They say, “Don’t cry over spilled milk.” Well…I distinctly remember crying over a spilled glass of milk when I was younger. My father completed failed at containing his laughter over my overreaction and reassured me it was okay. Over the years, I’ve gradually learned these moments are nothing to be upset about. You see…I’m kind of a clumsy person, so these situations happen to me often. That’s why I laugh about the ridiculous happenings that occur in our kitchen. Sometimes, I just can’t believe what has happened.

Considering the sheer volume of facepalm-worthy moments I have experienced, I thought I’d start this week off on a humorous note and share some of my favorite food fails.

What I’ve Learned from My Food Fails

Canisters of oats can roll over an impressive distance. On one fine morning, I came downstairs, attempted to make oatmeal, and immediately dropped the canister. All I could do was just watch it roll…and keep rolling. Then I just stared at it for a bit because it was all so ridiculous and sudden. This picture does not do it justice.

Cookies don’t cook well in a broken oven. This has happened to me TWICE. Like how?! Once in college and again last night. Apparently our oven is broken, so I had to throw a batch of cookies in the freezer to make at a later date. Guess it’s time to go stove shopping. Womp womp.

If you’re separating the egg whites and yolks, don’t dispose of either part unless you’re sure you don’t need them. This isn’t my story, but I have to tell it because it’s beautifully tragic. I don’t know what my sister was making, but several years ago, she was following a recipe that required close to a dozen eggs. The first part of the recipe called for the egg whites, so she threw each yolk away. As she continued through the recipe, she learned she needed all those yolks. And that’s how you get rid of an entire carton of eggs within 30 minutes. Moral of the story: at least skim the entire recipe before you start it.

Breading chicken is no joke. Anytime I bread chicken, my fingers end up more covered than any of them. It looks pretty disgusting.

Pro Tip: Make sure you have all the ingredients before starting a recipe. This happens to me a lot; you’d think I learn. I did this on Saturday, actually. I was making my Coconut Chocolate Nut Granola Bars and didn’t have any honey. Thankfully, the ingredients could easily be set aside until I could go to the store yesterday.

I like to drop eggs. Surprisingly, I’ve only done this about twice in my life. I predict more occurrences of this in the future though.

Crooked fudgesicles still taste good. I was attempting to make fudgesciles using Greek yogurt, and while they were in the freezing process, they apparently got bumped to a slant, creating crooked—though still delicious—frozen treats. Unfortunately, there’s still some of the chocolate goodness in our freezer from this incident.

Don’t shake the bottles unless the lid is on. This seems to happen most often with juice for some reason. Then it’s a sticky mess if you miss any of the splatters. If only I learned from my mistakes and made sure lids were on correctly before shaking bottles. Oy vey.

The blender does this bubble thing. When I’m done blending a smoothie, I’ve learned to wait a couple more seconds before I remove the lid. I do this because I learned the hard way that sometimes there’s an air bubble that makes its way to the top and shoots a bit of smoothie up…sometimes all over the cabinet. (I documented it in this post.)

If you’re not going to read recipe directions, use common sense.. I do this thing where I rush through reading recipes because I assume I know what I’m doing and just run with it. I tend to do this with boxed mixes for baked goods, especially—like one time when I used 1 1/2 cups oil instead of 1/2 cup (in my defense, this was at least 10 years ago, and it was a new measuring cup). I also royally screwed up when making soup in the crockpot recently. (I’ve discussed before how I’m really good at screwing up slow cooker recipes.) Basically, I didn’t add enough chicken broth…like I was at least 4 cups short. Preparing meals in the morning is hard sometimes.

What about you? I know I can’t be the only one.

What are some crazy food fails you’ve done or witnessed?